This is in response to Eve’s comment on Eastcoastlife interesting post : What is your view about marrying a divorce man with a kid?
(My view might be bias, as I am a man)
To me, the few kinds of men undesirable:
1) Man who is not capable of love
2) Man who has no motivation, whatsoever
Of course, everyday I have women who complaint about their partners. (I have more than an earful daily, due to my job). Other than financial problem, the top on the list will be:
1) Not wanting to share house chores. Worst still, come back from work, just put the leg up and watch TV. He will just fling his clothes onto the floor, and throw his socks everywhere.
2) The children will not be his problem. The wife will have to overlook their homework, brush their teeth, and put them to bed. After all the tiring work, all the man know is : Sex now?
3) When the kid was still a baby, the husband never help. Does not want to help prepare the milk, no idea diaper has a front and back (husband: is there a difference?), the wife has to carry the baby when going shopping while the husband just oogle at pretty sales girls…
So back to the question: Should anyone marry a divorced man with a kid?
First thing first, if you DON’T like that man, there is no need to consider the fact about divorced (or otherwise). The question will only arise if you like him, yes? You found something in this man, which you think is ‘favourable’.
In this situation, the kid actually is a plus point. Just by looking at the kid, you can know A LOT about this man.
If the kid is a happy, optimistic and dicipline kid, wow, I would jump and grab this man. It takes a great father to raise a great kid, believe me.
And this man has a proven track record. He do the house chores himself, he change diaper, he take care of the kid when the kid is sick. He make sure the kid finish the homework, and even bring the kid for outdoor activities! What more can you ask?
If you think the kid will be a burden to your marriage, sigh, are you actually ready for a kid yourself? Maybe you plan to be DINK? (double income no kid). Then don’t blame the kid. Tell the man upfront, that you don’t plan to have a kid, probably never.
I guess both sides have to do their homework and make a decision whether their priorities are the same or can be modified to be the same, eh?
Family first vs. career-wise.
Children vs. no children.
Can I take him ar?..kkakkakakkakaka…
Eh , mebbe the problem is objection from the girl’s family leh?..She dowan to upset the family ..so muh thinking given time , the family will accept him..I know la..marriage is between the them oni , but some ppl just kenot overrule their parents..
Bernard Decision making, shouldn’t take too long.
I mean, discussion for such thing should be progressive. It should not be stagnant ie no result after 6 months.
eve Given time, the family will accept him?
Duh.
If that is the case, the ‘acceptance’ will still come with ‘certain condition’.
The guy should look for a new woman.
What’s wrong with a divorced man with kid? I think our society is more kind towards him than a divorce lady with kid?
Anyway, what one wants to know before any serious consideration will be the background of the divorce, and then with so many ladies who choose career first, they won’t mind an instant family!
yenjai, men may not be all the above before marriage but he changes after marriage
Yeah, yenjai,
I agree with you. Hi-5, man!!!
That guy is so far, way past the 6 months expiry, more than a year and sumore can auto-renew. I not only will give him your kick, I add another 2 to punish him for not complying to rules.
ECL, go easy on him.
We don’t want to push him over the edge
What you said made sense and it is never easy to be a single parent. i will think the (future) partner will want to consider factors including y he divorce in the first place. As for the lady, being mentally prepared to take care of the kid and know that when you have your own (if both decide to marry) that you can still love the kid as much as your own born. I guess it will also be the divorced partner’s concern as well.
winnie When we are at this age, we shouldn’t be worried about whether we can love the kid as much as our own.
First of all, having a kid is a gift. We too often take it for granted.
How many married couples had tried for years without a kid? Ask them about their frustration.
Now you are given a kid, a properly guided kid even!
Count your blessing.
At times, age is not really a factor, its more of the mentality and attitude of the individual. I agree kids are gifts n that hving a properly guided kid is even more wonderful. i will think as a single parent the dad/mom, he/she will be worried if his/her future partner will get along with the kid. If he/she cant accept n love the kid, im inclinced to think that the single parent will rather give up the chance to remarry than to risk hv someone who dont love the kid.
As for myself, I have nothing against having a loving partner with a well guided kid.
sometimes yr website got problem, i cant understand why cannot access. i try from my blogroll and from other websites where u comment oso same problem..but sometimes can
we cannot always assume a divorced man is not a good man…in spite of general perception there r less than perfect women too.
I agree with you bro yen. I don’t quite understand what keeping the girl so undecided. Instant well guided good manner kids, why not? Save the trouble to suffer labor pain!!! hahaha
bengbeng I have no idea too. Sometimes IT does not have to make sense
hoiling Agree. But first, let get you a good man?
First thing to consider as the women. The child was there before she arrived. If she can’t accept the child, there is no way she can accept the fact no matter how you try. You can’t LEARN to accept. You HAVE to accept. If she tick no for first stage, there is no point going on to the next stage.
What I’m trying to say is….. IF YOU SEE THIS MAN, USE YOUR SLIPPER TO SLAP HIM FOR ME. Will ya? *cabut*
Queen Yes. If you can’t accept the kid, tell upfront. No need for the man to wait, right?
Err… for chinese, you can’t slap someone with slipper.
Maybe I use a ‘wok’ instead? Can I pinjam yours?
Whoaaa ..so violent! hahaha .. feel sorry for the guy though. Seems the whole lot of ppl think it is a fruitless wait. I hope the guy is moving on! Dun waste time lah ..
Whoaaa ..so violent! hahaha ..poor guy. Seems like many want to “slap” him up to his sense. I guess, he is sentimental type who really into this girl. Anyway, hope tht he will move on and find new rainbow.
hoiling I hope so too. Lets wish him luck